Thank you and you are so right! I lost my wife two years ago and it still hurts. I’ve realised, as you say, that a lot of people I know do not know how to relate to my suffering. I try to forgive the few people who are completely cold (some who have never said anything to me about it or asked how I am!) and I try to appreciate, as you say, that it might be difficult for them. But hugs make such a difference!! And I’m building a community, in a way, mainly through activism. So, through my tears I am sending hugs to you. ❤️
Thank you for sharing such a personal story Grace. It’s a really thoughtful and reflective piece which will help people going through the same process. From experience I know one way to help is to reach out to people six months or longer after their loss. When you lose someone close there is a lot to do and a lot of people get in touch. Six months later most people have moved on and you are left to deal with your grief. That’s when reaching out can make a real difference. Similarly remembering anniversaries. Victoria was lucky to have you in her life.
I absolutely agree and am happy that you shared such an intimate and profound reflection with all of us who follow you, and in this way, we feel even more part of a community, even if it's virtual.
This society, starting with some unfortunate statements and policies we often talk about, has completely lost its sense of community—though fortunately, as you often describe, there are many hotbeds of resistance in this sense—and has distanced human beings from their essence as "social animals."
After having deliberately caused this enormous damage to society, which has led to a dramatic increase in cases of depressive and anxiety disorders throughout the Western world, the same people who did it accuse everyone affected by these conditions of being weak and misfits, and the doctors who treat them of overly resorting to anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants (and I know this well because I'm one of them); as they say, adding insult to injury.
All this serves a predatory capitalist system that isn't content to simply steal our wealth, but also wants to destroy our humanity. Fortunately, it isn't succeeding, and indeed, I'm confident that it's precisely through the recovery of our deepest humanity that a more just and supportive society can be reborn.
Thank you again for sharing this moment of your life with all of us; it's precisely from these gestures that we understand that human beings, ultimately, are always the same and can take back what a mad economic-political system has stolen from them.
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, love and courage in sharing your experience and observations of grief and much more. Coping with grief, loss and trauma is an invitation for all of us to connect more deeply with ourselves and each other in creating beloved community. We have to slow down and be present to life, love and loss in community and solidarity. With gratitude for your ongoing connection to us here and so many more who are enriched by your presence and work.
Last week I had the pleasure of walking a short way with one of my neighbours who's husband died horribly last year. They were on the cusp of a beautiful retirement together.
We talked about her life now, her grief that sometimes leaves her crying doubled over in the middle of an acting class she has taken up. We talked. I had nothing to contribute. Only love and a tiny bit of my time.
I am so so much richer for the opportunity to walk a few paces with her.
I can only hope to love and to be loved by someone like that.
To live is to risk loss. But WTF I didn't think it could be that painful.. how beautifully horrendous.
Very heartfelt and insightful writing Grace, thank you. My sincere condolences on the loss. You are fortunate indeed to have discovered just how vast your community of friends, acquaintances, and previously unknown persons you have in your universe.
As a species we are communal, we've not evolved from the need to be part of a tribe.
I am many years your senior and can tell you in my childhood I leaned not to allow myself to be vulnerable. So this culture we all exist in that is increasingly more and more isolating is not a new phenomenon but an societal evolutionn; one that contrary to our nature.
I've learned to unlearn the early lessons of life, to become ever so slightly vulnerable. In an ironic cosmic humor I am the guy who people come to and share their hearts when they are in need of being vulnerable. The safe person, compassionate, and the keeper secrets. And no I am psychiatrist or counselor.
Mentioned all this not to detract you from your journey in grief but simply to let you know that even in these unconnected times the human spirit finds a way, a safe harbor. Ideally a community but in times of need a compassionate individual can ease the weight and this can be the beginning of building a community. Giving compassion has a ripple effect like a pebble tossed into a pond.
Once again my condolences, grief as you shared never truly extinguishes itself but I've found that in time it transforms into a remembrance of love.
Thank you so much for this. You are so right about feeling powerless when those you love are grieving. You are also so right about the importance of community and the role of place! So much I can relate to here. Thank you again.
Lovely to read your thoughts. You have heart and soul. Despite the nature of my work in leadership, performance and organisations, it’s undeniable that it comes down to being more human. We’ve allowed layers of frameworks to weigh on us . Community, mutuality, agency and care are essential, not nice to have grassroots….We all need to strip away the things that get in the way.
Btw, Prof Gary Hamel at LBS knows your work. His book ‘Humanocracy’ sits well with VC. There is a major shift to social impact, not because it’s a ‘nice thing to do’ but because we need this shift in ourselves, families, communities, organisations, institutions and government.
Many thanks!, dear Grace, these are reflexions to read once and again.. Comunity must in the root of our physical existence to develop the best of our "soul"..
Thankyou for writing about the worst experience of loss we face. My darling mother lived with me for years. She died 6 months ago at the age of 104. After looking after 24 hours a day her and cherishing her for 15 years I am lost in a wilderness of despair. Thank God I have wonderful support fromm friends. I miss her every single minute of the day and I know she would want me to be happy and live life and love life as she dis. I am inconsolable and am having to navigate life without her. I cannot express the depth if my sorrow as I have to navigate my life again.
I have no regrets but with out her to care for after years I feel lost desolate and my memory is in pieces and oh how I miss her how I loved her. My friends ary supportive and do not have any regrets. I have ha a happy life and the brought me into this world and I am comforted by the thought if how much we loved each other. But now she has gone I am lost in grief.
Thank you and you are so right! I lost my wife two years ago and it still hurts. I’ve realised, as you say, that a lot of people I know do not know how to relate to my suffering. I try to forgive the few people who are completely cold (some who have never said anything to me about it or asked how I am!) and I try to appreciate, as you say, that it might be difficult for them. But hugs make such a difference!! And I’m building a community, in a way, mainly through activism. So, through my tears I am sending hugs to you. ❤️
So sorry for your loss Ian, I'm really glad the post resonated - sending solidarity
beautifully written and really relevant to both an individual and community perspective. Thank you
Thanks Kate!
Thank you for sharing such a personal story Grace. It’s a really thoughtful and reflective piece which will help people going through the same process. From experience I know one way to help is to reach out to people six months or longer after their loss. When you lose someone close there is a lot to do and a lot of people get in touch. Six months later most people have moved on and you are left to deal with your grief. That’s when reaching out can make a real difference. Similarly remembering anniversaries. Victoria was lucky to have you in her life.
So true Nick. It's never too late to let someone know that you're thinking of them and sorry for their loss.
I absolutely agree and am happy that you shared such an intimate and profound reflection with all of us who follow you, and in this way, we feel even more part of a community, even if it's virtual.
This society, starting with some unfortunate statements and policies we often talk about, has completely lost its sense of community—though fortunately, as you often describe, there are many hotbeds of resistance in this sense—and has distanced human beings from their essence as "social animals."
After having deliberately caused this enormous damage to society, which has led to a dramatic increase in cases of depressive and anxiety disorders throughout the Western world, the same people who did it accuse everyone affected by these conditions of being weak and misfits, and the doctors who treat them of overly resorting to anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants (and I know this well because I'm one of them); as they say, adding insult to injury.
All this serves a predatory capitalist system that isn't content to simply steal our wealth, but also wants to destroy our humanity. Fortunately, it isn't succeeding, and indeed, I'm confident that it's precisely through the recovery of our deepest humanity that a more just and supportive society can be reborn.
Thank you again for sharing this moment of your life with all of us; it's precisely from these gestures that we understand that human beings, ultimately, are always the same and can take back what a mad economic-political system has stolen from them.
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability, love and courage in sharing your experience and observations of grief and much more. Coping with grief, loss and trauma is an invitation for all of us to connect more deeply with ourselves and each other in creating beloved community. We have to slow down and be present to life, love and loss in community and solidarity. With gratitude for your ongoing connection to us here and so many more who are enriched by your presence and work.
Thanks Grace. I am sorry for your loss.
Last week I had the pleasure of walking a short way with one of my neighbours who's husband died horribly last year. They were on the cusp of a beautiful retirement together.
We talked about her life now, her grief that sometimes leaves her crying doubled over in the middle of an acting class she has taken up. We talked. I had nothing to contribute. Only love and a tiny bit of my time.
I am so so much richer for the opportunity to walk a few paces with her.
I can only hope to love and to be loved by someone like that.
To live is to risk loss. But WTF I didn't think it could be that painful.. how beautifully horrendous.
Communities are awesome 😎
This is a beautiful and pertinent reflection - thank you for sharing
Very heartfelt and insightful writing Grace, thank you. My sincere condolences on the loss. You are fortunate indeed to have discovered just how vast your community of friends, acquaintances, and previously unknown persons you have in your universe.
As a species we are communal, we've not evolved from the need to be part of a tribe.
I am many years your senior and can tell you in my childhood I leaned not to allow myself to be vulnerable. So this culture we all exist in that is increasingly more and more isolating is not a new phenomenon but an societal evolutionn; one that contrary to our nature.
I've learned to unlearn the early lessons of life, to become ever so slightly vulnerable. In an ironic cosmic humor I am the guy who people come to and share their hearts when they are in need of being vulnerable. The safe person, compassionate, and the keeper secrets. And no I am psychiatrist or counselor.
Mentioned all this not to detract you from your journey in grief but simply to let you know that even in these unconnected times the human spirit finds a way, a safe harbor. Ideally a community but in times of need a compassionate individual can ease the weight and this can be the beginning of building a community. Giving compassion has a ripple effect like a pebble tossed into a pond.
Once again my condolences, grief as you shared never truly extinguishes itself but I've found that in time it transforms into a remembrance of love.
Guy
Thank you for sharing this. It’s moving to read. As we are so often alienated from life, so too are we often alienated from death.
Thanks Godfrey
Thank you so much for this. You are so right about feeling powerless when those you love are grieving. You are also so right about the importance of community and the role of place! So much I can relate to here. Thank you again.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Victoria was as lucky to have you in her life as you were her
Thank you for this. It resonates deeply, bringing tears, regret, longing and gratitude for the community I do have.
Sending solidarity ❤️
Lovely to read your thoughts. You have heart and soul. Despite the nature of my work in leadership, performance and organisations, it’s undeniable that it comes down to being more human. We’ve allowed layers of frameworks to weigh on us . Community, mutuality, agency and care are essential, not nice to have grassroots….We all need to strip away the things that get in the way.
Btw, Prof Gary Hamel at LBS knows your work. His book ‘Humanocracy’ sits well with VC. There is a major shift to social impact, not because it’s a ‘nice thing to do’ but because we need this shift in ourselves, families, communities, organisations, institutions and government.
Many thanks!, dear Grace, these are reflexions to read once and again.. Comunity must in the root of our physical existence to develop the best of our "soul"..
Beautiful and bittersweet sadness. Thank you for articulating this in such a way.
Yep, no easy lessons to be learned. Just being human. Kindness and love reaching out.
🫂
Thankyou for writing about the worst experience of loss we face. My darling mother lived with me for years. She died 6 months ago at the age of 104. After looking after 24 hours a day her and cherishing her for 15 years I am lost in a wilderness of despair. Thank God I have wonderful support fromm friends. I miss her every single minute of the day and I know she would want me to be happy and live life and love life as she dis. I am inconsolable and am having to navigate life without her. I cannot express the depth if my sorrow as I have to navigate my life again.
I have no regrets but with out her to care for after years I feel lost desolate and my memory is in pieces and oh how I miss her how I loved her. My friends ary supportive and do not have any regrets. I have ha a happy life and the brought me into this world and I am comforted by the thought if how much we loved each other. But now she has gone I am lost in grief.